Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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