Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
