I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
