first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
