I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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