And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
