The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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