Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
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