yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
