I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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