she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
