she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
