I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
