Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize