Please, let me fuck your mom
we made out on top of his cat.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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