AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
