the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
