I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
