Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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