I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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