laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
