I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
