Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
