matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
