if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
