he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When did angry sex become our thing?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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