i would punch a child for taco bell
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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