I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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