Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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