Pregnant stripper...not hot.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
my liver is dry heaving
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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