what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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