My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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