Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
