No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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