Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
