Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
