Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
