Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
