u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
