Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
