When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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