so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
