we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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