Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
