I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
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