Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
