Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
