Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
