Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize