His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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