she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
