Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
