Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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