I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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