we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
