Cold hands, warm shart.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
