that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
