so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
