Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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