Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
