Screwed.edu
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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