I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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