so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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