I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I smell stomach acid.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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