Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Two words: nipple clamps
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