woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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