Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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