The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
