there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
