Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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