the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
