I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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